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Stories of Young Cheddar, The Cedar; Whoopsy Daipsy

Stories of Young Cheddar, The Cedar

Title: Whoopsy Daipsy

Morning broke in the night and

For these four trees it meant


The moon had shone on their bark just right

Or if cloudy

It was that they had knocked their young canopies

Against their Tree neighbours of the Day just gone

The necessary number of times before dawn

So they may be sure to

Wake for their work on time

Should that dratting Moon not show


So the four saplings stirred with crunches and pops

To the dark dark dark

Cold cold cold

Vast vast vast

Home they called The Forest

And the wind’s recorder was

As tuneless and unpleasant as ever

Still calming and familiar

Bleak but

They were

Never The Less

Never. The. Less.

Is what they might be heard chanting

Picking up their spirits

As they trudged the tracks




They were a family of orphans

These four Steward Trees and

They were different from

The Other Trees of The Forest

Their neighbours of the Day just gone

“Par-boiled potatoes”

Shouts Cherry Sour

Naughty They


Habitually random in outburst

Like their sister Cherry Wild


These were two of the four

All of whom root for the rays

Standing still with the unconscious ones

The Other Trees of The Forest

Ours though

The Steward Trees of The Forest

This of course their sleep

The daytime

On this their ever so


Never ending



You know


You know

Some say

Of our four saplings


Steward Trees

Some say

Steward Trees are blessed

But others say cursed

Regardless – you know - these four had their work



Never the less

So now then

Under the lights of the sky

The Morning of the Night had broken up to them

And opened up to them anew


Morning Indeed

First Thing was the first thing to be done

Which was why it was called First Thing

So The Night Opened to Them

First Thing – to eat

For them – as always – the same

For months now

Jaffa Cakes

And they chatted as they were forever doing

“It’s a biscuit”

Insisted Cherry Sour to Their Sibling Cherry Wild

“Erm zzztttt it’s notttt – pyjamas –


Replied Cherry Wild to Cherry Sour

Who in confusion asked

“Erm…zzzttttt – what’s pyjamas?”

Here Cherry Sour mimicking Cherry Wild’s zzzzzttt tick

Naughty Naughty Cherry Sour

And Chestnut Sweet fielded the question

The twins’ sister


It’s what the humans wear to bed”

And they’d now lost the thread

Forgetting entirely what they were arguing about until

Cheddar Chimed in

You know I think they must be biscuits

I mean – they are obviously a cake because –

Spongey – err you twit

But I think anything we eat is a biscuit

We say it for something that is

Discrete yet identical


Reproducible identical

But things that we need like


Is a biscuit

To me at least

Easy Easy

The Other Trees

Oh Awkward


Reproducible-Identical yes jester but

……we don’t eat the Other Trees now do we?

Do we?

And Chestnut Sweet fields

“You know you really do talk too much don’t you”


And with that a branch fell from above

The Forest a-la-la

Hitting and knocking Cheddar down

Floored and Seasoned

The Forest wields Karma




Jaffa Cakes eaten


It was then that Mr Badger Merlin Delivered

And the stars were there to appreciate the moment

Though the light not needed by the Steward Trees since

These our four saplings of The Steward Trees

They –

As with all The Steward Trees

They saw the Delivery

Or see completely

All without an eye between them

You see


All while going about their duties

Impressive indeed

What is going on here?

No eyes



So Mr Badger Merlin had come up

From out of his badger set

To Deliver

But also to cajole cajole this


Troupe of youths

And he followed them everywhere so he did

Unseen until – until

Until it was time to Deliver

So He

He did

This so

All he’d known


Since Mr Badger Merlin had been assigned to them He long ago resigned to the FUTILITY of it all

No flotilla for help

No fruit for soothe

Just coke to drink

He knew there was no stopping IT


He gnawed the roots and ushered the Ants and

He took the Duties

He understood the Duties and

He passed them on as he was shown to do

And he followed them everywhere so he did

Unseen until – until

Until it was time to Deliver their Duties

As ever

Every Dusk

Shortly after

First Thing

So I suppose Mr Badger Merlin was

Second Thing – though no one said it of course

He, Mr Badger Merlin

A geriatric jack-in-a-box on Manna

Like the Israelites of Antiquity

Now some Coke import

Cans upon cans of the stuff rattled around him

Upon emergence from his earthy badgery set


So cajole cajole he did

As he delivered that night’s

The Parchment of Duties of Eve’ Song that

Cherry Sour so detested

Not the Duties but the means of receiving them

“Voila there you go have a good one – off you pop – allez allez – giddy up”

Said He slurping coke

Grey and black and disgruntled and knowing – Mr Badger Merlin

Gave swipe to Cherry Sour – a custom of the parade like

Coconut Custard Creams with afternoon Tea at Grannies



He would cut Them

Our Cherry Sour

He would not fail to lacerate

The poor thing

Cherry Sour as he Delivered the Duties

The Parchment of Duties of Eve’ Song that

Cherry Sour so detested

This dark daily occurrence

A part of Work


But evermore

For Cherry Sour this treatment

Had been ruminating a

Hating of

Mr Badger Merlin

See cuts each time for as long as

Can be remembered

Beyond then even


Time to them was abstract

Like how a life-long prisoner can play with it



No wonder the pour little thing detested all this

Cheddar ever the magician of justice

Chimed his glockenspiel

To sound another attempt at tackling

The Thing

A squabble ensued between the four

Led by the elder

The details of which are impossible to gather

Since when these four bicker


Words cease

Our Young Cedar, Cheddar

Intelligibly rounds off the axe swinging with:

“Right that’s settled – Cherry Sour I hear you honey but

‘Parently you peewees wont let me – sooooo –

maybe just take it and suck it up cus

there isn’t any changing that Mr Badger Merlin

An am kinda getting fed up of hearing about it

You have your Rum & Raisin don’t you?!”

Cherry Sour nodded

And so

It was agreed Cherry Sour would continue to take

The Parchment of Duties of Eve’ Song

Their Instructions for Work

For that is how it had always been and

Cherry Sour was the only one eating

Or rather


The eating of the Rum & Raisin Dark Chocolate

They so desperately shouldered

You see


So – for that reason alone

And for being a stubborn sticky-bun

They quick-sanded the situ to status quo

You see

And so

But hang on there you birdy-bee

Why did


Why did

Why do

They not let Cheddar get the letter?

This, I do wonder






Says Chestnut Sweet

“The air is fresh and I am ready to do this

Are you? Another day

Meetings and First Thing

and Second Things all done now yeah?”

Stretching rhetorically and swaying to the sound of the wind

The recorder

The wind

A tuneless and

An unpleasant sound

It has been mentioned

But nevertheless


They left for their work

Duties in hand

A purposeful wander through

The Forest

With no progress on the niggles really though



So they moved on

Creeping along the rows

Of stiff trees not blessed

Or was it cursed like them

For they

These four & others

There were others of course

Also unseen as these four are

And their Duties?

All for the humans of The Forest

Who lived in the spaces where a few too many trees had fallen

In houses of brick and thatch




May we please

Now allow

A moment for

Chestnut Sweet

As Our Four Saplings walk

She – Chestnut Sweet is just that

Certainly good or of the light but certainly

A little lemon meringue pie curt incisive sometimes

And what else?


She enjoys a smattering of yoga after

First Thing and after

Second Thing

So to speak


Oh she’s wise but not quite like Cheddar


They – Chestnut Sweet

The next in line behind him

The Eldest

The Elder

Our Young Cedar


The Second being Chestnut Sweet

And to keep them so – Young Cedar

Gives the reigns to Chestnut Sweet like

You lead

I am leader



So for these our young working saplings

Our orphans

By the power of some

Force of The Forest

How distinct

Indeed distinct indeed

And indeed here is another

Distinct matter

At some point since waking up

To their Work

For the first time

They must have decided between them

“We are nevertheless indeed” or a case of

Telling themselves so

Given how much they did so say it

For they were special and had this WORK

To do



However – if we may

Let’s turn back briefly to the oddity of our

Young Cedar




Cheddar was the one they looked to

Always he remained though

Totally and utterly

Oblivious to it


Shouts Cherry Sour



So it seems at least

But there’s so much more beyond

The itchy bark faces that make up




It wasn’t obvious to Cheddar why or

Why he was the only one to have

A nickname since

Mr Badger Merlin, Young Cedar, Chestnut Sweet

Cherry Wild and Cherry Sour

Were their names as given and

Known as such from when they

Woke up to their Work for the first time


Given by The Mother of The Forest


All recorded

All recorded as the

Wind’s flute sounds tuneless and unpleasant

As you’ve heard



One moment please

Before my introductions cease

This is important

It should be said too that

In a manner semi-unknowing

These four

Or rather three of the four were shook

Each Morning of the night

Not just by their evening rituals

Or the silver flow of the moon

As mentioned



It was this body



Local Colony of the Mother’s Hips

So they say

So they call it


They – this body



mezmeration of littlies

Named to them by

Mr Badger Merlin


For our young Steward Trees

Are blind to the spectacle

Or so it seems


A monstrous illumination

The Forest finds tentacles

Trains of humming sun run all over


Part of The Legion of the Ants of The Forest

And the job really did seemed very vital

Based on the display of light alone


Aside from the

Dawn-time rituals of our four saplings

Or the

Silver flow of the moon

Aside from these wee things

As mentioned

There was also

As I say

This tremendous display of photons

vanishing before Cheddar could ever

rumble alive


First Thing



As mentioned

It would seem to me that these Ants are

Filling up the cup of just

Three of our four saplings

Not Cheddar

Is it that he’s the eldest?

The Elder?


Nearly there


The truth was

There were few who really knew

What IT meant

Mr Badger Merlin being one but when asked

He would always say the same –

“I do not have the words – it’s not mine to tell”

It was certain that nobody knew what could be done

“It has just always been so


Chewed Cherry Wild – in a moment of


Context being that of silence

And the absurd

And the gnawing on her right branch

Oh she did have a tendency to squeak a bit

With excitement