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A Guide To Awakening For The Atheist

Updated: Mar 20


A Guide To Awakening For The Atheist

I. Introduction I was an atheist once. I went to a funny old State Grammar school where Darwin was a house like Harry Potter. That's Charles Darwin of Shropshire, of the 'birth place of the industrial revolution' (capitalism). My Dad looked after a pub, The Beacon, at the top of the hill above the famed Ironbridge. Anyway, I digress.

I grew up, as with most of those (if anyone) reading this - in this Western World, where the scientists are considered the wisest. “Of course there cannot be a God, for there is no proof - and all the scientists require proof - and they are the clever correct ones and if there is to be this external God in everything - I want definitive proof too Goddamn it.”

Ok, that was me roughly. They say evolution by natural selection etc. means

no God had a hand in our creation.

Also, look at all that science has brought us. How could this Bible God have had a hand in that?

Man did that really - we found it as fact, an explanation for our coming into being: all this.

: “From Big bang, atoms to molecules through all evolution, knowing the makeup of the microscopic and intergalactic - and no where have we found God, to point at - except every man along the way. So man is God, I reckon, and our heroes”

That was me too I reckon - one of the many atheists - educated, of course - like the scientists. I refer to my old self as consequently "unthinking" - an "unthinking atheist", for I could not conceive or think of, or possibly believe of anything beyond the physical world we now know so well.


This, by the way, is perhaps the most important foundation stone for the building of our self. Do you believe? And, despite what the atheists say, I think it has a seismic impact upon the way that self conducts their life. How so?

Well let me introduce the prompting for this post - a conversation held the other night with an older atheist man (OAM), crippled by anxiety stemming from a fear of death - the doom.

Aside – may I introduce another piece of imagery that has helped me understand things? I describe atheists as living in a black box: black before (no explanation), black all around their life (no spirit realm interaction), and black after their life (death = black doom).

Now let us reflect on how this has affected our OAM.


Well, if you believe you have one life and there is nothing more then you strive for all can to maximise your satisfaction in that time - you focus on the self. The way the OAM views himself is pegged to his achievements in life and what he has or has had, his possessions (people included) and experiences.

To interject - I see that 'globalistic capitalism' and atheism are the double threat that causes the ills of the world and so many comments about one are equally applicable to the other.

So - no wonder - when our atheist begins to feel as though much of their life is over and there is not much more to add - the consequence is a person crippled by fear, here a prescribable very painful anxiety.

How then do you convince a person in a vice grip of self-inflicted pain - to release themselves, to kick away a cornerstone of their self, their existence; to accept they have been wrong their whole life, to believe? Well, as I say - I was one such unthinking black box pointed fact and science is king and I'm here for all I can get while I can kinda guy, until, well, a major shift of self occurred by (i) a decision; coupled with the confrontation of my own mortality by the (ii) loss of a loved one. In the first, I decided to turn my back on a premiership rugby career mid-contract (a story for another time) and moved to London with my partner to pursue a legal career with a top firm. Then we all lost our dear friend Ian Williams. He was jogging out for work, onto the training paddock of a lovely old northern rugby club, Doncaster Knights, and his beautiful heartstrings were pulled like the chord on a parachute. His knees and body hit the earth and, I seek great comfort in believing his essence floated away with that parachute to some elsewhere. Before his head and gorgeous face hit the mud. The girl I left professional rugby for then left me alone for a secondment in Japan with work - so I hit the weed pretty hard on a smoky built-in new-brick balcony, South of the River Thames and so began my spiritual awakening; involving no shaman tourism supping potent potions. My spiritual awakening begins and ends with deep thought - and the fruit: philosophy. I write this, by the way, and I hate to say, as possessing a Jurisprudence degree (qualifying law degree) from Oxford University, which isa Latin word that means sort of legal philosophy - in short – I now like to hold myself out as a philosopher and a poet. I suppose then, the purpose of this blog post is to take you through my findings, quickly. The reason? Because I think that by tackling the cancer of atheism and it's ugly twin capitalism - we might then stand a chance of pulling together to avert the loss of our civilisation on this Earth. Why? Because together they cause the person to focus on the self - and all spiritual endeavour is to battle with the self in favour of the non-self - and that is the key to escaping this hell - I'm sure of it. II. Bad Religion Bad - Spirituality Though? I think the first step is to put aside your grievances with the religions as they have panned out. I have no doubt that these wise men existed, preaching thought with charisma such that people followed their lead - and literature was written around them. As part of my journey I have delved into the religions of the world, by written and spoken word - and have concluded that there is much truth and justified righteousness within them, particularly in the ancient philosophies of the East. These were deep thinkers, meditators, selfless and starving people who, I believe, came up with some of the greatest truths.

I have spent much time fantasising about and writing about how all this came to be, including how might the likes of Jesus have been there so influenced. Noah’s calling, Nostradamus, misconceptions of Rasputin – and the kicker: The Story of the First Family. All this is to come so please be patient.

These ancient wise guys though, in the rich well of India - on that dewdrop – they conceived of the atom - and the big-bang accordion nature of the universe - and they believed in determinism too (with Einstein). You'll see I stand with them - not denying evolution by natural selection - and accepting simply the natural course of things - adding, theorising and fantasising about how another realm might play into all this. What though is clear to me is that the written word is fixed - and from my experience there is not a thing else in the world that is so fix, and so with this comes great corruption - by those that fix or have fixed it - and those that have distributed it. I know that religion is corrupt because it has been espoused, often though not entirely, with manipulation and selfishness, central - and all under the guise of: "the book says this" and by hypocrites - and they have the cheek to do the other - and so here, if I may be so self-indulgent, is the first poem of this piece:

the book says this has fucked it for us


With this, I hope you may take a moment to put down your intolerances of religion - and see that yes, religion based upon a lorded figurehead and what they "said" - puppeteered by large and cloaked institutions is not a good thing, no - of course; and no matter the words said by those old wise and pure destined figure heads, the aforementioned selfishness of man leads to manipulation and corruption - to hypocrisy - and it's sickening - the guise, like:

* a rich man getting into heaven is harder than threading a camel through the eye of a needle -

when - so many of these folk are filthy rich. * Or how the words of peaceful harmless men can be used to justify killing in the name of "their" god. * OR the constant referring to the Lord as male /// fuck man that one really gets my back up bad //

*Or the paedophilia or the paddles and secret societies and initiations and abuse.

I know, religion is bad and it's all in the name of fellatio and flagellation of the man. It's bollocks yes, but that does not deny the existence of a spiritual realm - guiding all this into being, while we're here "dangling in the dark". I maintain that perhaps these men, the instances of their birth and lives - and the recording of it, the lording of it - is because they did in fact speak the word of “god” - the will of the spiritual realm - that I believe must be in control of our lives, our destinies, (psssst you’re not in control really...really)- and that so, fatso (Ricky Gervais) - is one way in which you can see that this "God" might be everywhere - through our sight and experience of the world and their manipulation of our life paths - the choosing of things beyond our control - like our birth and genes - and whispers that make us pick things, say things, do things. This brings us nicely on to the next part for discussion: Determinism.

But first - let me say - concepts such as Samsara, yin-yang etc. mean to say that all the evil mentioned before that has seeped into our great religious institutions and all other intuitions - is the will of the spirit realm - because the selfishness - the Thatcher approach has been needed for the growth, yes, with great sacrifice. I see that there are cycles - peaks and troughs to all things - on all spectrums - on all lines of life - and with this, our great collective line of life, I hope you see - that perhaps all this - was just meant to be. But for now - back to determinism - and these external perspectives on your life path, and how you might just have to accept that you don't have free will to wake up. III. I Stand with Einstein, on this. So, big crazy-haired Al believed in determinism. Hmmmm so since starting my journey away from the rich mainstream I have been obsessed with rivers.

My brother (who now plays in Goddamn - saw them support Foo Fighters in Budapest) used to do Canoe Slalom and was on an Olympic program for youth, so I spent a lot of time growing up by rivers. I think they, provide a fantastic illustration of determinism and also on how to see life; a logic that seems hard truth - and a soothing truth too if you let go. I wrote a poem about it here, but for now let me explain, using your life path as the subject: You were born. You did not choose this. It's pretty fucking major. Consciousness is astronomically mystical. The scientists cannot touch it, like ya know.... But you were born and you did not choose it: your parents at birth, and from there, really. That's it, determinism. You throw in cause and effect (karma), you throw in the interconnectedness of all things (emptiness) - and you know there is death - so you see - life is just like a river and you are some suspended molecule birthed at some source, at some point in time. You are then just reacting - being you, growing, choosing yes - but did you really choose any of this? You did not choose your birth and you certainly, well rarely not tragically in this world - do you choose your end point. So there it is, I'm afraid philosophically speaking I cannot see how we have free will.

In a world of laws, common practices, lockdowns, money, viruses etc. Do you see?

All your choices must then be by the illusion of choice - you do have choice and you must move forward into the unknown - that is what you must continue to believe - but really - you don't have free will and trust me - it is incredibly liberating when you submit to that. So let me break it down momentarily - philosophically. Let us run a thought experiment, and unashamedly I would like to take a moment to be narcissistic and use my own story. In any moment in life, from when you make a cup of tea to what you buy and what shops you shop at – you must surely see that arguably all of life is habit. But, let us look at major life decisions. Why we choose to continue to become ourselves. What is the self we continue to choose? What shapes that self? In this world, the source of your financial support, is a cornerstone of your being (unfortunately) – so in a similar vein let us look at the decision I made that was a big step in the beginning of my awakening:

I decided to quit professional rugby at a Premiership Club, with a year left on my contract and a whole lot to prove but with the opportunity and certainly the ability. Why? because of a thousand + relative infinity reasons - to name a few: a girl, trauma recovery from addiction, mental health struggles (now attributable to neuro-divergence) and confusions of self and sexuality; the state of the world and carrying a large ego with nowhere to put it - whatever - I chose to quit and up sticks to London and a new career.

In that moment, when making that call (quite literally) - all variables were as they were, fixed for a moment in time. From birth to that point, in that moment, there is no way I could change any one of those variables - and there are no variables that could change leading to that point - because, the weather was as the weather was, the sun always rises, the planets pull and so do people - and in that moment, in any moment - the matrix of all this, from big bang and through (according to Einstein, Hawkins too) is as is - and I'm afraid we are really quite powerless to it.

By death and decision, justifying my position? Perhaps, and we cannot know - that's the next point.


Before that though, may I just note - I think possible explanations as to the spirit dimension's overlay with the physical world we know so well - provides answers as to how the matrix is as is and therefore therein provides experiential proof of all this. But for now - an answer to a big question: Where is this god and why is there no proof? IV. We Cannot KNOW For this, I did in this time write a poem I am happy to include. I think it provides a good explanation as to much. It is called:


*One Reason We Can't/Shouldn't Know God^ Imagine knowing 'you' continue after this your rich painful sight of life? You endure You enjoy But why? Imagine knowing why; or that when times were hard you could just pass (suicide) and talk to the living from the corner of the beyond as they did to you. Imagine knowing they were watching listening!! Samson

What do you think? There are a few crucial points to unpick in this. I have fantasised and fictionalised their origin, so be excited for that but for now, here is a summary of the philosophy from the poem: We cannot know of the existence of the spiritual realm because:

1. Life and the purpose and the destination for you and all - would then be ruined and therefore boring - you would be more knowing - you would be more seeing by interaction with the non-living souls; and or

2. You would know of there being a non-physical existence (assumedly with reincarnation) -and if you were unhappy with your lot or in a lot of pain, you would more likely choose not to endure and more likely choose suicide - because you would know you could still sit with your loved ones and guide them and hope for a better reincarnation or whatever; and


3. In this world where you knew of the other realm, all privacy would be lost, or worse, coordinated so there could be absolute privacy for some from ultimate judgment;


4. In our world, because we do not know there is another realm, I believe we are anchored by the slight belief (in denial with atheists and dangerously so), that we are or might be being watched by “god” or our loved ones – and so on some level tailor our behaviour accordingly – and necessarily so.


So – refraining from going into the reasons why I feel or am sure the spirit realm must be there by my experience and interaction with the world – I get it in loud and clear that “they” cannot make it clear to us in their manipulation of us and our world – because that would ruin the illusion for the reasons outlined above.


And yes, is the root of all my hope and self-comfort just a process of confirmation of personal bias and life affirming decision affirming nonsense, as with everyone else? Yes, but I’m afraid to say, I’m basing this on a deep search for truth, and all I can do is hope that you and the majority see the truth in it too.

V. How Can God Be This Unfair? And at this we stare a major proposition of the atheists:


How can there be a god where there is so much suffering?


I present my findings as follows and acknowledge here again, that this is attributable to unmentionable reading. Firstly, if life is this river, from birth to death, for all, and we accept reincarnation - the birth of any one unit of living life is, I am afraid, not quite as valuable as you might think, in the grand scheme of things - particularly when you consider that from "God's/Gods’" point of view - there is knowledge of the whole: life, death, rebirth and the plan.

It’s like how we do not fear the disappearance of a puddle because we know of evaporation and that the water molecule holds together up there in the clouds and that it will return as water once more. Do you follow me...


This "God" then, or for now let's just say any trusted knowing wise spiritual units - would certainly be less clingy to physical bodies because they know they are just bodies - and bodies to them are reborn and souls ceaseless - or relatively infinite (all ceases but not all ceasing is relevant in time).

Aside: My conception of infinity From now: Relative infinity (the physical seems infinite to the timeframe of the experience because this, it: life, is so small relatively); then Finity (the sun will go out) Infinity (the universe is on an accordion loop from big bang and back to contraction and if there is reincarnation across that so back to infinity)

When you know that there is suffering and know there is release, and know it is for a reason, a greater purpose - then I'm afraid it is reduced to a mere must, unenjoyably for most. This sort of sick god playing plays out today.


Secondly, reincarnation, I believe, accounts for the unfairnesses we see in the world - why some people have this that or the other, seemingly from birth or by their path and power. The third point is to say that in all the physical things we see right down to the atom, there is positive and negative - and arguably one or other wins - and so there must be pain for all the pleasure. Imagine an existence without pain? It would be numb. Imagine not being able to seek out pain even...imagine there being no pain - there could not then be any pleasure.

It is, I am afraid to say, unfortunate that some experience more beauty or whatever, and others experience more objective discomfort - but that is just so. New souls, old souls you know. It should also be said that the principle of relativity reduces all this. A pleasure is far greater to the poor and the rich quickly become numb. This is the best aside for anti-capitalism. The fourth and final tenet is that the set up is such - we are here and there is consciousness and there is pleasure and there is pain, but I feel we are to escape the pain and the direction the purpose is pleasure, utopia - and that we are moving that way, we must be. That we have, as a species, needed from the beginning, to escape pain - and it is that which must be thanked for our progress: the will to moved from pain. My answer to the Q at V:

Trust, we are getting there.

The answers to getting to that future, I believe lies in the next section to come imminently. It starts as follows:

VI. The Spiritual Framework (i) Not Your Bible God Look - I'm afraid my Christian brothers and sisters - I cannot see how there is ‘Your Man in the Sky’. How can there be a divine creator, an external being that birthed all this, perhaps that started the big bang and has a hand in each and every thing you see and do? This cannot all be attributed to "The Father", or whatever. It is nonsense, philosophical nonsense. Think about it - there is the obvious question: What created it? The obvious statement - if he birthed everything and is to thank for everything - why is he a man? Women birth things (not all women, granted).

Then think - how can there be something external to and unaffected by and into everything in some detached independently acting way? How can it not then be affected by all that?


If I were to draw the monotheistic god, he would be very overworked or a usually pretty absent father now desperately trying to control an unruly unresponsive badly behaved child. He’d be pulling his hair out and he’d be very very very confused and missing his mummy or wondering why he doesn’t have one. It is nonsense lovelies. But also, I can figure it so that you're not entirely red-faced. (ii) What then is this “God”?




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